Yup, one month ago today, I was going under the knife for my gastric bypass. Let me tell you, I'm thrilled I decided to have the surgery. I do realize that my opinion would probably be different if I had had some complications but so far, so good, I only had one very minor problem (one of my wound had a small infection that went away within three days).
I lose weight at a steady pace although I can only guesstimate since I don't own a scale and I don't plan on getting one, I fell lighter, I have more energy, I'm already less restricted by my fat, I had to have clothes altered because they were too big and yesterday, I went to do a bit of shopping and I was able to try on XL tops. Not 1X or 2X or 3X but XL. I was thrilled! I also notice a difference when I touch myself, I feel deflated. And I also see a difference when I look in the mirror. I continue to walk at least 30 minutes almost everyday so I guess that helps with losing weight especially since I don't eat very much. I still have trouble eating everything I should be eating. I had a few episodes of minor dumping syndrome and let me assure you that even though they were very mild episodes, I felt just awful. Very unpleasant feeling of mild nausea, stomach cramps, dizziness and fatigue. To me, it's very aversive and should help in keeping me on track regarding what I should and shouldn't eat. I must confess that I'm kind of happy to have that...
My BF keeps telling me how tiny I feel to him when he holds me. He's so supportive and encouraging. He's just been amazing! So has almost everyone I know. My family, my BF's family, my friends, my colleagues, supervisors, advisor, etc. have all been tremendous throughout all of this. I think it helped me a great deal to know and feel I have everyone supporting me.
If you ever decide to have this type of surgery, I sincerely hope you can count on a similar support system!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
My first scare
Last night, I had my first small though real scare following my surgery. I sat down for dinner with my BF, took a bite (I was eating salmon with sorrel sauce and couscous), swallowed and got it down but it's as if the bite didn't really go through as I felt a tightness in my small stomach. It was not the first time that I felt that tightness but it was the first time that the tightness didn't go away within 5 minutes. In fact, the tightness didn't go away for maybe 45 minutes. Naturally, I stopped eating, I couldn't take another bite anyway, and I felt so uncomfortable that I had to go for a walk around the block to try and get rid of the discomfort I felt in my stomach. I was producing massive amounts of saliva. I think my body was trying to lubricate my oesophagus so the food would pass and since my stomach was blocked (at least I think), the saliva was just accumulating and giving me nausea so I threw up a couple of times (no food, just mucus) while I was walking. I finally got back home after walking for maybe 10-15 minutes, the tightness was still there, threw up mucus one more time and the tightness was gone. Yeah!! I felt such a relief. Even though I knew that the food would logically eventually pass through my digestive system, I was a bit worried. And to feel the discomfort of the tightness go away was a relief in and of itself. After that, I was worried about eating even though I felt hungry, after all, I had just had one bite for dinner. Still, I waited a couple of hours and finally ate one piece of cheese and one small tapioca pudding. They both went down easily. This morning, I still didn't have breakfast and I have to admit that I'm still a bit worried about the food going down but I know I have to eat so that's what I'm going to do now. Hopefully, it will be ok.
Monday, September 13, 2010
First post-op appointment
My first post-op follow-up appointment was today. The nurse took out the clips or staples that were used as sutures (it didn't really hurt except for the ones near the breasts on the breast bone, those hurt somewhat but not terribly). My wounds are healing well and it's actually a big relief to not have the clips anymore because they were bothering me (itching, pulling a bit). The liquid diet is finished! Yes!!! I'm so happy to be done with that. I'm now on pureed food for the next three weeks and if all goes well (i.e. if I can tolerate the texture and quantity), I can go back to eating normally by the end of those three weeks. As for the weight loss... I lost at least 34 pounds!! I thought I had lost weight and was hoping for between 20 and 30 pounds but I must say that 34 pounds surpass all my expectations. Actually, this morning, I was going back to work/school and I had planned on wearing a pair of black 3/4 palazzo-pants that I really like. I put them on and had to take them off because they didn't fit anymore. They were really too big for me to even think about wearing them. Hurray!! Me very-very happy!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
My obsession
I'm completely obsessed by food. That's pretty much all I think about day and night. It's been almost four weeks now that I've been on a liquid diet and I'm sick and tired of it! I have my first post-op follow-up appointment with the nurse and nutritionist on Monday and I'm desperately hoping that they'll tell me that I can incorporate eggs and tuna into my diet. Those are among the foods that I crave the most. In addition to fresh fruits and vegetables. But I know I still have a few weeks to go before I'm "allowed" to eat those. So yeah, I always loved to eat and to cook but I was never this obsessed by food before. I guess it's because I'm extremely limited in the choice of foods I can eat and I'm hopeful that my obsession will fade a bit once I can go back to a more varied diet. I know that I'll be forever limited in the amount of food I can ingest but I'm totally ok with that. I really think it's the fact that I'm only allowed liquids that's starting to be a huge drag. Thankfully, I only have two days and a half left.
Still, my obsession has an upside and I decided to put it to good use. I'm planning to put up recipes for things I cook and like that I think are appropriate for gastric bypass and/or lap band surgery people (so low fat, low sugar, high protein). The first one I'm going to put up shortly is for tuna cakes. Yum!
Otherwise, all is good. I've been cooking a lot and going for walks with my dog and my BF. I'm feeling super good. I'm starting work/school on Monday. I have mixed feelings regarding that; on one side, I'm dreading it but at the same time, I'm looking forward to going back to a vague routine and to have other things on my mind than my health and food.
Still, my obsession has an upside and I decided to put it to good use. I'm planning to put up recipes for things I cook and like that I think are appropriate for gastric bypass and/or lap band surgery people (so low fat, low sugar, high protein). The first one I'm going to put up shortly is for tuna cakes. Yum!
Otherwise, all is good. I've been cooking a lot and going for walks with my dog and my BF. I'm feeling super good. I'm starting work/school on Monday. I have mixed feelings regarding that; on one side, I'm dreading it but at the same time, I'm looking forward to going back to a vague routine and to have other things on my mind than my health and food.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
What's going on
This is my 9th day post-op. My condition continues to improve on a daily basis. I have to say that I'm feeling much better since I started walking approx. 30 minutes/day. And I suppose it doesn't hurt that last night, and for the third night in a row, I had a good night sleep which is simply just awesome after 6 days of light and interrupted sleep. Yesterday was also the first day that I was able to consume everything on my menu. I did have to make a conscious effort to eat my three meals + three snacks but I felt relatively hungry so it wasn't such a hassle. I also took my car for the first time and it went very well. It actually felt good to get out of the house and do something. I shopped for and cooked a huge bolognese sauce. I even tasted it but just to be on the safe side, I spat it out. I can't wait to be over with the liquid diet! I'm so craving texture!! And meat!! Especially since The Food Network is basically on all day long in my house. That'll entice a few cravings... However, I'm still adhering quite strictly to the menu my surgeon gave me. Breakfast is the hardest because I really don't enjoy eating my cold or warm cereal. I'm more of an egg for breakfast kind of gal.
My days are spent in a relatively relaxed mood, going for small leisurely strolls around the neighbourhood with my dog, watching cooking shows, reading a bit and looking at myself in the mirror to check if I look like I lost weight. By the way, my conclusion is yes, I do think my face is thinner. My cheeks seem to be losing a bit of their plumpness. Yeah baby! My clothes are a bit looser too. Me very-very happy!
And now, to complain a bit... I'm getting a bit tired of everyone calling me every single day to see how I'm doing. My BF told me I'm being kind of a sourpuss because people want to know how I'm doing out of love, care, worry, etc. And I know that. It's just that I'm not big about talking on the phone for starters and I feel like I'm always repeating the same thing over and over and over to everyone. Also, a few people out of my circle of close friends and family have wanted to pop by to see me. I feel like an attraction at a freak show when I hear that. If you didn't come over to see me before I had the surgery, why do you need to come over and see me now? Am I acting like a diva?
My days are spent in a relatively relaxed mood, going for small leisurely strolls around the neighbourhood with my dog, watching cooking shows, reading a bit and looking at myself in the mirror to check if I look like I lost weight. By the way, my conclusion is yes, I do think my face is thinner. My cheeks seem to be losing a bit of their plumpness. Yeah baby! My clothes are a bit looser too. Me very-very happy!
And now, to complain a bit... I'm getting a bit tired of everyone calling me every single day to see how I'm doing. My BF told me I'm being kind of a sourpuss because people want to know how I'm doing out of love, care, worry, etc. And I know that. It's just that I'm not big about talking on the phone for starters and I feel like I'm always repeating the same thing over and over and over to everyone. Also, a few people out of my circle of close friends and family have wanted to pop by to see me. I feel like an attraction at a freak show when I hear that. If you didn't come over to see me before I had the surgery, why do you need to come over and see me now? Am I acting like a diva?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
One week anniversary
One week ago today, I had my gastric bypass surgery. I'm now feeling much better. Last night was actually my first truly good night of sleep since having the surgery. My appetite is a bit better and I'm now able to eat almost everything I have on my daily menu. I'm being very good; eating slowly, drinking small sips of water throughout the day, walking and doing as much as I can (and this really does help a lot!). I must say that I'm looking forward to being able to incorporate solid foods to my menu because I have now been on a liquid diet for three weeks and I'm craving texture, chewing, consistency!
I must say that given that I didn't have any complications as of today (knock on wood!), I'm very happy with my decision to have the surgery. It's like I feel that I now have a very real and helpful tool, if not a very faithful and dependable ally, to help me in my quest to lose weight and keep it off whereas before, I mostly felt like my efforts were always insufficient if not altogether useless. I truly believe that having the surgery is only part of the solution though. I know I still have to make an effort towards my ultimate goal of being comfortable in my own body but I now feel equipped to do so. It's like before the surgery, losing weight was like climbing Everest without oxygen: doable although very few have succeeded and a lot have either died trying or had to give up. Now with the surgery, it's like someone gave me oxygen. It's still going to be hard because I still have to climb the mountain and have a lot of obstacles ahead of me but instead of it being nearly impossible, the level of difficulty has decrease from 100% to maybe 50% to make it attainable. I don't actually know how difficult it's going to be and was throwing random numbers at you there but I certainly expect that it will require constant efforts on my part and that it will be difficult.
If you are considering having weight loss surgery and expect it to be the answer to all your prayers and that you'll lose the weight without putting so much as an effort once in a while, I think you'll be very disappointed.
I do hope that my condition will continue to improve as it has for the past few days, that my current mind set will be long lived and that I'll feel this motivated to adhere to the 10 golden rules that my surgeon gave me to help make the surgery a success but at the same time, I feel prepared for the many curve balls that lay ahead of me. Watch me knock'em out of the park!!
I must say that given that I didn't have any complications as of today (knock on wood!), I'm very happy with my decision to have the surgery. It's like I feel that I now have a very real and helpful tool, if not a very faithful and dependable ally, to help me in my quest to lose weight and keep it off whereas before, I mostly felt like my efforts were always insufficient if not altogether useless. I truly believe that having the surgery is only part of the solution though. I know I still have to make an effort towards my ultimate goal of being comfortable in my own body but I now feel equipped to do so. It's like before the surgery, losing weight was like climbing Everest without oxygen: doable although very few have succeeded and a lot have either died trying or had to give up. Now with the surgery, it's like someone gave me oxygen. It's still going to be hard because I still have to climb the mountain and have a lot of obstacles ahead of me but instead of it being nearly impossible, the level of difficulty has decrease from 100% to maybe 50% to make it attainable. I don't actually know how difficult it's going to be and was throwing random numbers at you there but I certainly expect that it will require constant efforts on my part and that it will be difficult.
If you are considering having weight loss surgery and expect it to be the answer to all your prayers and that you'll lose the weight without putting so much as an effort once in a while, I think you'll be very disappointed.
I do hope that my condition will continue to improve as it has for the past few days, that my current mind set will be long lived and that I'll feel this motivated to adhere to the 10 golden rules that my surgeon gave me to help make the surgery a success but at the same time, I feel prepared for the many curve balls that lay ahead of me. Watch me knock'em out of the park!!
Monday, September 6, 2010
Having doubts
On the eve of my surgery, my BF and I were both quite stressed out and emotional. At one point, I remember going to the bathroom and asking myself why am I doing this exactly? In all honesty, I think we would call that having doubts. Now, what was my answer to this very important question? That, I knew for sure.
My two main motivations to get the surgery were: physical comfort and health. At over 300 pounds for my frame, I was extremely uncomfortable physically. I had trouble bending down to tie my shoes or even to put socks on, I became very quickly out of breath while not doing very strenuous activities, I was always hot and sweating profusely, climbing even just a few stairs or a small hill was exerting, and I could go on and on and on and on and on... This motivation was very immediate, present, prominent as I was suffering in the present. As for my health, I'm one of the lucky ones. I had not health problem whatsoever. I did have occasional mild joint pain but that didn't really keep me from doing anything. But being wise and all, I knew that I wasn't going to stay this lucky forever and that sooner than later, the health problems would come. This was a good motivation but not a very powerful or driving one as it didn't really affect me in the present. But when I found myself in the bathroom doubting my decision to have the surgery the next morning, my answer was ready.
And so as soon as the question popped into my head, I shot back with my most immediate motivation: because I'm unbearably physically uncomfortable. And then a little nagging voice asked me whether or not I could live with that for the rest of my life. And given my fairly high anxiety level at that moment, my answer was yes. In all honesty, I could actually put up with the discomfort for the rest of my life. That answer actually scared me because this was my main motivation for the surgery. So what now? Do I tell my BF that I changed my mind and we lose the 4000$ deposit? So then another little nagging voice crept in saying what about your health. Oh yeah, my other, more distant motivation. And that's when I knew for absolute sure that this was the best decision for me. I knew that my health would almost certainly be affected by my obesity eventually and that, I couldn't live with. I couldn't take the chance and wait just in case and decide to have the surgery if and when health problems developed because then, the risks associated with the surgery would be even greater, whereas right now, the doctor told me that I'm the ideal candidate for this surgery because of my weight, health and age.
And so, even though I was scared shitless, I chose to go ahead with the surgery.
My two main motivations to get the surgery were: physical comfort and health. At over 300 pounds for my frame, I was extremely uncomfortable physically. I had trouble bending down to tie my shoes or even to put socks on, I became very quickly out of breath while not doing very strenuous activities, I was always hot and sweating profusely, climbing even just a few stairs or a small hill was exerting, and I could go on and on and on and on and on... This motivation was very immediate, present, prominent as I was suffering in the present. As for my health, I'm one of the lucky ones. I had not health problem whatsoever. I did have occasional mild joint pain but that didn't really keep me from doing anything. But being wise and all, I knew that I wasn't going to stay this lucky forever and that sooner than later, the health problems would come. This was a good motivation but not a very powerful or driving one as it didn't really affect me in the present. But when I found myself in the bathroom doubting my decision to have the surgery the next morning, my answer was ready.
And so as soon as the question popped into my head, I shot back with my most immediate motivation: because I'm unbearably physically uncomfortable. And then a little nagging voice asked me whether or not I could live with that for the rest of my life. And given my fairly high anxiety level at that moment, my answer was yes. In all honesty, I could actually put up with the discomfort for the rest of my life. That answer actually scared me because this was my main motivation for the surgery. So what now? Do I tell my BF that I changed my mind and we lose the 4000$ deposit? So then another little nagging voice crept in saying what about your health. Oh yeah, my other, more distant motivation. And that's when I knew for absolute sure that this was the best decision for me. I knew that my health would almost certainly be affected by my obesity eventually and that, I couldn't live with. I couldn't take the chance and wait just in case and decide to have the surgery if and when health problems developed because then, the risks associated with the surgery would be even greater, whereas right now, the doctor told me that I'm the ideal candidate for this surgery because of my weight, health and age.
And so, even though I was scared shitless, I chose to go ahead with the surgery.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
My new bypassed self
I had gastric bypass surgery 6 days ago. The surgery went very well and I'm now recovering and basically driving myself crazy. The surgery was done by laparoscopy, which means that instead of cutting one big incision on my belly and digging in, the surgeon cut 5 small holes and went in with a camera and surgical tools to do the procedure. It's less invasive so it reduces the risks associated with surgery. As of today, I'm having a bit of pain but it's very tolerable, I don't even take Tylenol.
As for my appetite, well so far, the surgery worked because I'm having trouble eating everything I'm supposed to, which is very little to begin with. For the first two weeks after surgery, I'm suppose to be on a liquid diet, all types of liquid as long as the consistency is smooth with not chunks, lumps, etc. And this is what I'm supposed to be eating.
Breakfast: 1/4 cup of cream of wheat or pablum + 1/4 cup of milk
Morning snack: 1/2 cup protein shake
Lunch: 1/4 cup creamed soup (asparagus, spinach, tomato, etc.) + 1/4 cup of pureed fruit
Afternoon snack: 1/2 cup protein shake
Dinner: 1/4 cup creamed soup (asparagus, spinach, tomato, etc.) + 1/4 cup of pureed fruit
Night snack: 1/2 cup yogurt.
So not much but still, I can't manage to eat everything. I'm supposed to eat very slowly and to stop as soon as I'm full and not once was I able to eat everything on my menu. This is normal. I haven't lost the desire to eat though and I've come to realize that my new porn is The Food Network. I watch cooking show after cooking show and I salivate but it doesn't make me want to eat. And that's when the "making myself crazy" bit I mentioned earlier comes in.
I'm pretty much terrified that my new stomach will explode. Last night, I took too big a sip of water and it hurt a bit but I was afraid I might have burst my stomach by doing so. There are risks of leaks following surgery, although my surgeon assured me that I should not really worry about that if I follow the menu guidelines, but still, I'm on the look out for any signs; so I take my temperature 73 times a day and I check my pulse about as often. I'm very aware or any pain I might have in my belly, back and left shoulder as they can be signs of a leak. I'm also afraid of thrombosis, which is a blood clot that could develop in my legs and/or abdomen and could lead to a stroke or pulmonary embolism and finally stricture (the stomach healing too aggressively and basically closing itself up). Those are all real risks with this type of surgery and/or any surgeries in general but they are not very frequent and I do realize that I'm being hypervigilant/paranoid and that I should just let it go and if something happen, then it'll happen whether or not I'm monitoring every possible signs of something going wrong. As you can see, the surgery removed most of my stomach but didn't put a dent in my tendency to be over anxious...
The 2-weeks Optifast diet I had to go through previous to surgery was pure hell!! I was so hungry and had gigantic cravings for anything that wasn't sweet tasting. I was fantasizing about tomato juice, veggies and dip, steak, pizza, pasta, cheese, etc. I was actually having dreams about eating. At one point, I even decided to check the scientific literature to make sure that I wasn't going through this for no good reason and unfortunately (or should I say fortunately?!?), I wasn't. The articles I skimmed through seemed to suggest that this pre-surgery regimen does do the body good and significantly reduces the risks associated with the surgery. Apparently, it's the very low calorie diet (VLCD) that does its magic by reducing the fat content and size of the liver. So I stuck with it although I must admit that I cheated once. I had a slice of pizza when I was four days in. Then after, I was so worried that this would screw everything up and make it impossible for me to have the surgery that it became easier to follow the diet very strictly. Ok, I did check the seasoning by tasting a bit of the cream soups and veggie purees I made myself but it was so little and it was mostly just veggies so I figured that I was staying true to the spirit of the VLCD so that wasn't cheating.
What I came to realize during those 2 weeks prior to surgery was that given the choice, after being on the Optifast for a few days, I wouldn't have necessarily opted for very fattening food if I could have eaten. I would have been plenty happy to have grilled salmon with asparagus and rice or a very plain but fresh tuna salad. Of course, if you had presented me with fried stuff with cheese, I wouldn't have said no. Still, the realization that variety was actually what I was craving the most during those 2 weeks was very surprising yet satisfying to me. I want to remind myself of that as often as I can.
When the night before surgery finally came (oh was it a looooooooooooooooong two weeks), my BF and I were very emotional. I even wrote him a letter just in case to tell him how much I love him. I told him this after and he wasn't very enthusiastic about my idea... We both cried while cuddling in bed late. Needless to say that we were both worried about what could happen. I was actually scared for myself but mostly for him because I knew that if something had happened to me during surgery, he would have taken it pretty hard. And apparently, all the time I was in surgery, he was very scared he would never see me and when I got back to my room and he saw me with the i.v. and the oxygen, his heart sank. But for now, all is good! I must admit that on the day of the surgery, being true to my stubborn self, I didn't ask for pain medication even though I was in pain and at one point, during the night when I couldn't sleep because of the pain and because I thought I was having a heart attack, I did regret having the surgery. But then, the nurses convinced me to take pain medication and I felt much better. I didn't want to take the pain medication because I thought it would make me groggy and prevent me from walking around. Instead, it was the pain that was preventing me from walking around. And they say that I'm an intelligent girl!
For people who don't want to read about poop, I would suggest skipping right away to the next paragraph because I'm about to become intimate! Day of surgery was Tuesday, August 31. First time I pooped after surgery was at 1:00 am on Saturday, September 4. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, that's FOUR DAYS without pooping!!! My tummy hurt so much, I felt super bloated. I'm usually pretty regular in this area, very often going twice a day so you can imagine how I was feeling after FOUR DAYS!! Finally, I called my surgeon's office and the incredibly nice and helpful MB, my doctor's administrative assistant who had weight loss surgery herself (lap-band) told me what to do: 2 tea spoons of Benefiber in the morning + 2 teaspoons of Benefiber in the afternoon + warm prune juice at night and it worked!!! I'm still feeling a bit bloated and she recommended that I walk as much as I can to help with that, which I did and it does seem to help, but given that my surgery was less than a week ago, I should give time for my body/stomach/digestive system to heal and come back to "normal".
So now, in all honesty, do I have any regrets? Not really. Sometimes, I catch myself having regrets over not being able to eat certain things anymore but these thoughts aren't exactly accurate because in fact, I could very well still be able to eat anything and everything once my new stomach has healed. And then the regrets disappear as they are premature and unjustified thus far. However, I did recently realize that I will miss gulping down a tall glass of fresh water when I'm thirsty. I used to be able to go through a 500 ml of water at once. Those days are gone! Now, it's small sips of water throughout the day. My water bottle has become an extension of my hand.
And finally, as for weight loss, I don't own a scale and I don't plan on getting one so I have to guess and if my clothes are correct, I did lose weight. How much, I don't know. I have my first follow-up appointment at my surgeon's office on September 13, they'll weigh me then and I'll tell you.
Bye for now!
As for my appetite, well so far, the surgery worked because I'm having trouble eating everything I'm supposed to, which is very little to begin with. For the first two weeks after surgery, I'm suppose to be on a liquid diet, all types of liquid as long as the consistency is smooth with not chunks, lumps, etc. And this is what I'm supposed to be eating.
Breakfast: 1/4 cup of cream of wheat or pablum + 1/4 cup of milk
Morning snack: 1/2 cup protein shake
Lunch: 1/4 cup creamed soup (asparagus, spinach, tomato, etc.) + 1/4 cup of pureed fruit
Afternoon snack: 1/2 cup protein shake
Dinner: 1/4 cup creamed soup (asparagus, spinach, tomato, etc.) + 1/4 cup of pureed fruit
Night snack: 1/2 cup yogurt.
So not much but still, I can't manage to eat everything. I'm supposed to eat very slowly and to stop as soon as I'm full and not once was I able to eat everything on my menu. This is normal. I haven't lost the desire to eat though and I've come to realize that my new porn is The Food Network. I watch cooking show after cooking show and I salivate but it doesn't make me want to eat. And that's when the "making myself crazy" bit I mentioned earlier comes in.
I'm pretty much terrified that my new stomach will explode. Last night, I took too big a sip of water and it hurt a bit but I was afraid I might have burst my stomach by doing so. There are risks of leaks following surgery, although my surgeon assured me that I should not really worry about that if I follow the menu guidelines, but still, I'm on the look out for any signs; so I take my temperature 73 times a day and I check my pulse about as often. I'm very aware or any pain I might have in my belly, back and left shoulder as they can be signs of a leak. I'm also afraid of thrombosis, which is a blood clot that could develop in my legs and/or abdomen and could lead to a stroke or pulmonary embolism and finally stricture (the stomach healing too aggressively and basically closing itself up). Those are all real risks with this type of surgery and/or any surgeries in general but they are not very frequent and I do realize that I'm being hypervigilant/paranoid and that I should just let it go and if something happen, then it'll happen whether or not I'm monitoring every possible signs of something going wrong. As you can see, the surgery removed most of my stomach but didn't put a dent in my tendency to be over anxious...
The 2-weeks Optifast diet I had to go through previous to surgery was pure hell!! I was so hungry and had gigantic cravings for anything that wasn't sweet tasting. I was fantasizing about tomato juice, veggies and dip, steak, pizza, pasta, cheese, etc. I was actually having dreams about eating. At one point, I even decided to check the scientific literature to make sure that I wasn't going through this for no good reason and unfortunately (or should I say fortunately?!?), I wasn't. The articles I skimmed through seemed to suggest that this pre-surgery regimen does do the body good and significantly reduces the risks associated with the surgery. Apparently, it's the very low calorie diet (VLCD) that does its magic by reducing the fat content and size of the liver. So I stuck with it although I must admit that I cheated once. I had a slice of pizza when I was four days in. Then after, I was so worried that this would screw everything up and make it impossible for me to have the surgery that it became easier to follow the diet very strictly. Ok, I did check the seasoning by tasting a bit of the cream soups and veggie purees I made myself but it was so little and it was mostly just veggies so I figured that I was staying true to the spirit of the VLCD so that wasn't cheating.
What I came to realize during those 2 weeks prior to surgery was that given the choice, after being on the Optifast for a few days, I wouldn't have necessarily opted for very fattening food if I could have eaten. I would have been plenty happy to have grilled salmon with asparagus and rice or a very plain but fresh tuna salad. Of course, if you had presented me with fried stuff with cheese, I wouldn't have said no. Still, the realization that variety was actually what I was craving the most during those 2 weeks was very surprising yet satisfying to me. I want to remind myself of that as often as I can.
When the night before surgery finally came (oh was it a looooooooooooooooong two weeks), my BF and I were very emotional. I even wrote him a letter just in case to tell him how much I love him. I told him this after and he wasn't very enthusiastic about my idea... We both cried while cuddling in bed late. Needless to say that we were both worried about what could happen. I was actually scared for myself but mostly for him because I knew that if something had happened to me during surgery, he would have taken it pretty hard. And apparently, all the time I was in surgery, he was very scared he would never see me and when I got back to my room and he saw me with the i.v. and the oxygen, his heart sank. But for now, all is good! I must admit that on the day of the surgery, being true to my stubborn self, I didn't ask for pain medication even though I was in pain and at one point, during the night when I couldn't sleep because of the pain and because I thought I was having a heart attack, I did regret having the surgery. But then, the nurses convinced me to take pain medication and I felt much better. I didn't want to take the pain medication because I thought it would make me groggy and prevent me from walking around. Instead, it was the pain that was preventing me from walking around. And they say that I'm an intelligent girl!
For people who don't want to read about poop, I would suggest skipping right away to the next paragraph because I'm about to become intimate! Day of surgery was Tuesday, August 31. First time I pooped after surgery was at 1:00 am on Saturday, September 4. So Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, that's FOUR DAYS without pooping!!! My tummy hurt so much, I felt super bloated. I'm usually pretty regular in this area, very often going twice a day so you can imagine how I was feeling after FOUR DAYS!! Finally, I called my surgeon's office and the incredibly nice and helpful MB, my doctor's administrative assistant who had weight loss surgery herself (lap-band) told me what to do: 2 tea spoons of Benefiber in the morning + 2 teaspoons of Benefiber in the afternoon + warm prune juice at night and it worked!!! I'm still feeling a bit bloated and she recommended that I walk as much as I can to help with that, which I did and it does seem to help, but given that my surgery was less than a week ago, I should give time for my body/stomach/digestive system to heal and come back to "normal".
So now, in all honesty, do I have any regrets? Not really. Sometimes, I catch myself having regrets over not being able to eat certain things anymore but these thoughts aren't exactly accurate because in fact, I could very well still be able to eat anything and everything once my new stomach has healed. And then the regrets disappear as they are premature and unjustified thus far. However, I did recently realize that I will miss gulping down a tall glass of fresh water when I'm thirsty. I used to be able to go through a 500 ml of water at once. Those days are gone! Now, it's small sips of water throughout the day. My water bottle has become an extension of my hand.
And finally, as for weight loss, I don't own a scale and I don't plan on getting one so I have to guess and if my clothes are correct, I did lose weight. How much, I don't know. I have my first follow-up appointment at my surgeon's office on September 13, they'll weigh me then and I'll tell you.
Bye for now!
Update (and what an update it is!)
It's been a long time since I wrote here. Last time, I wrote that I was considering having weight loss surgery and I was waiting for an appointment with the surgeon. Well, I'm no longer waiting or considering. I had my appointment with the surgeon and I decided to go ahead with the surgery. I chose to have gastric bypass surgery because I consider it the safest and most efficacious option short and long term. With a gastric bypass, the surgeon creates a small pouch by cutting the stomach. This new pouch will become my new stomach and since it contains 10 to 30 ml (1–2 tbsp) or approximately the size of a thumb, it will limit greatly the amount of food that I'll be able to ingest in addition to diminishing the absorption of food. Hence, nutritional deficiencies are a side-effects of the surgery and I'll need to take supplements for the rest of my life. For more detailed and scientific information on gastric bypass and other weight loss surgical procedures, please see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gastric_bypass_surgery and http://www.weightlosssurgery.ca/.
This is a very personal decision and one that should not be taken lightly as there are several risks and side effects associated with this type of surgery. If you are considering having weight loss surgery, I strongly recommend that you talk to a good doctor and read a lot on the subject in order to make the best decision for you.
My surgery will be on August 31st, so exactly two weeks from today. I don't know if this is standard but starting today and up until the surgery, I was instructed by my surgeon to follow a liquid diet, Optifast, in order to reduce the size of my liver for surgery. I started the diet today and it is going to be hell to follow that for the next 2 weeks. I'm only allowed 4 Optifast shakes per day + water. That's it! Fortunately, the shakes don't taste too bad, kinda like uncooked vanilla cake batter. Nevertheless, I know I'm going to starve and go crazy!! I do apologize in advance to anyone I may come in contact with in the next two weeks as I'm guessing that I'll be in a pretty foul mood. Apparently, this is the hardest part of the whole process. We'll see and I'll try to keep you updated on the whole shebang.
Today, the fact that I won't be able to eat the way I used to hit me. I guess it's because of this liquid diet thing and not being able to eat as usual. Given that eating was more to me than just the absorption of nutrients in order to stay alive, I'm kind of forced to face these things. First of all, eating is a pleasure for me, which is totally fine. To my knowledge, there's not a word in English to describe someone who relishes in the pleasures of food and eating. At least, there's no non-pejorative word like we have in French. In French, we have "gourmandise" and being "gourmand", which is a lot nicer than the English equivalent of gluttony and being a glutton. So I'm "gourmande". I love to eat and to cook. But I must admit that on top of that, I use food as many other things: soothing, distraction, avoiding, etc... So not having my go-to fix will be an interesting challenge.
Until next time...
This is a very personal decision and one that should not be taken lightly as there are several risks and side effects associated with this type of surgery. If you are considering having weight loss surgery, I strongly recommend that you talk to a good doctor and read a lot on the subject in order to make the best decision for you.
My surgery will be on August 31st, so exactly two weeks from today. I don't know if this is standard but starting today and up until the surgery, I was instructed by my surgeon to follow a liquid diet, Optifast, in order to reduce the size of my liver for surgery. I started the diet today and it is going to be hell to follow that for the next 2 weeks. I'm only allowed 4 Optifast shakes per day + water. That's it! Fortunately, the shakes don't taste too bad, kinda like uncooked vanilla cake batter. Nevertheless, I know I'm going to starve and go crazy!! I do apologize in advance to anyone I may come in contact with in the next two weeks as I'm guessing that I'll be in a pretty foul mood. Apparently, this is the hardest part of the whole process. We'll see and I'll try to keep you updated on the whole shebang.
Today, the fact that I won't be able to eat the way I used to hit me. I guess it's because of this liquid diet thing and not being able to eat as usual. Given that eating was more to me than just the absorption of nutrients in order to stay alive, I'm kind of forced to face these things. First of all, eating is a pleasure for me, which is totally fine. To my knowledge, there's not a word in English to describe someone who relishes in the pleasures of food and eating. At least, there's no non-pejorative word like we have in French. In French, we have "gourmandise" and being "gourmand", which is a lot nicer than the English equivalent of gluttony and being a glutton. So I'm "gourmande". I love to eat and to cook. But I must admit that on top of that, I use food as many other things: soothing, distraction, avoiding, etc... So not having my go-to fix will be an interesting challenge.
Until next time...
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